The site’s fucked. The YouTube channel is fucked. Yahoo! Fantasy is fucking us around with 2018 fantasy baseball. If you thought that shit would piss me off, you’re god damn right I’m pissed the fuck off! But, you know me…I’m cool guy. Perfectly calm, dude. I’m dug in like an Alabama tick!
You’ve gotta find a turd to polish in circumstances like these. I’ve found several. Remember, it’s not a lie, if you believe it!
1.) You don’t receive an 80 grade trash talk rating by accident. Addicts don’t back down from a challenge, ever. The greater the challenge, the more the incentive!
2.) I’m Tom Shady. I do what I want. I get what I want. And guess what, I’ll crack your fuckin head open if you’re standing in my way. Cause I’m fuckin stupid!
3.) What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. The Great Fantasy Baseball Invitational leagues that Andrew, James, and I are playing in are gonna be THE TITS! If everything goes according to Hoyle, we’ll be splitting that cash like a couple of gangsters who just pulled off a bank job!
4.) SMR and N.O.W. ROTO are folding like a pair of cheap suits. Sorry, not fucking sorry! Don’t saddle Andrew and James with what I’m saying here, because these are my opinions: You’re fucking up. You’re fucking it up! You’re just pissing away all this addict talent like that? Fuck off!
5.) Sunk costs be FANTASY GODS DAMNED! I’m fixing this site, I don’t care. I’m gonna do it right in front of your face! And, hopefully, I can afford to pay Malinda to help make it happen! You know what? There is no hope, fuck hope! This site is here to make fantasy sports great again, because bravado sells. And when the site sucks less, it will be the most amazing fantasy sports website in the world. It will be fabulous! SMR and N.O.W. ROTO don’t deserve the addicts if you ask me!
6.) Some guy flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami and fucked up the YouTube channel on SuperBowl Sunday. Now we can’t livestream our drafts, podcasts, or any any other fucking thing until May 5th! (Cinco de Drinko hangout anyone?) We have other options to stream our drafts though, gang! Last I checked, Andrew’s FantasyAid channel still had live stream hangout capabilities. We can always re-post elsewhere. Meanwhile, you can expect our pre-recorded fantasy content to be uploaded from “the can”, until the fascist fucks at google remove our COPYRIGHT STRIKE shackles!
7.) Thursday. It seems like an eternity of waiting, but Yahoo Fantasy Baseball finally opens on Thursday, the 15th of February. If I had my druthers, we’d be moving over to Fantrax for the FSAA leagues, and also the home dynasty leagues. Unfortunately for Fantrax, their mobile app scenario just won’t cut the motherfucking mustard… *sad trombone* When Fantrax has a quality first-party app, we owe ourselves a very serious discussion about making the switch!
8.) Did you bring it? You did your thing? Maybe your fantasy baseball season went sideways in 2017. Maybe you got kicked out of our league. Maybe you were deprived your true glory as fantasy champion. Maybe you’re hungry for retribution. Maybe football and hoops have sucked ass for you this past year. 2018 starts with the date listed up above, unless Yahoo! fucks us again.
9.) Bronson. We’re gonna drag his ass out of the tank (for all sports) kicking and screaming!
10.) The prodigal son returns. Ryan’s reclaiming his dynasty baseball teams! A sock full of quarters says he’s playing Redraft H2H and Auction Roto as well. If you even needed incentive, there it is. My greatest fantasy rival. If I can’t beat him, maybe you can!
2018 is going to kick ass. If you don’t feel the G-Force of FSDoubleA momentum, you will soon!